Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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