make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
