The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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