he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
