I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Randomize
