I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
