just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
