Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
