ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Randomize
