I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
