My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
