Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
