jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
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