he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
