Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
