Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
