I don't usually arrange sex via text message
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Randomize
