My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
sex in a hospital.. check
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
