some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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