I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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