once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
