I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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