The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
