so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
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