She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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