break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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