You made me cry and you don't even care
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Randomize
