In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
