are you so shy because you have an std?
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
