We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
