how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
