Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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