you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
