His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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