I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
She told me I should be a condom model.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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