Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
