Christians are straight up FREAKS
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
