Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
