Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
