This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
They took my balls.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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