You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
