soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
