So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
