I wannas sexs uuuuu
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
