K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
