We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
