sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
