I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
