I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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