eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
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