We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
