Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
